MORE CRAPPY SHITS

Kisses
Dearest Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses
instead.You are my sweetheart.

Your husband

Allen



His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three
kissesinstead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him
some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses
and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart




An innovative delivery method, the Chinese ways...
forget about DHL, UPS or even FedEx !!! Enjoy Reading.....

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled
when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States.

It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly
squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as
follows:

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ah Ma body to you since it was her wish that she should be
cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ah Ma's body, 12 cans of
Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates !
and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong. Please divide these among all of
you.

On Ah Ma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10)
for Ah boy.
Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons.
Hope the sizes are correct.
Ah Ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the
others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves.

The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah Ma is wearing are for the boys.
The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ah Ma's left wrist.
Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ah Ma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings
and ring that you asked for. Please take them.

The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah Ma is wearing must be divided
among my teenage cousins. let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is
also not keeping well nowadays.

I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back
too............

KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_____________

TEACHER: Cindy, why ar e you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
_____________

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!
______________

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
______________

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."
_____________

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
______________

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_______________

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
______________

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

I miss Taipei...

//ZenEkz nt in the best of health...//