MY UGLY PAST

Maybe everyone has an ugly past to hide...

I hav an ugly past too...

I no longer wan to hide it....I want to have nothing to hide ...

Here goes...

During my sec days I was a nerd, an idiot more likely... One whu my classmates always call a weakling. One who will backstabbed fellow classmates to stay and get out of troubles. One who only knows how to cry and whine wherever there is trouble there for mi.... They hate mi...

I always got challenged by bullies. They think I'm an easy target and that I will never dare to fight back... Life then was tough.... No one's ever there for me... I hav few frens and even those few who I always hang out with... How many are true to me? Maybe there is one or two who really treated me as a fren out of pity?... I duno... Most of the time, I gt left out in most of the events...I was a loner...I nver blamed anyone... I only have myself to blame all these shit... I was Fuckup.

I still remember that There was a time when I was dealt with a punch on my right eye by one my fucking classmate for accidentally spitting ice at him using a straw... I did nt fight back... Instead I went to report the incident, got the fucker cane and myself punished. My classmates despise mi more after that as if I'm the only one in the wrong... cos I did not fight back?

I duno

In short... My whole secondary life is PATHETIC

Fuck....

I thought.....

If I had not been such an idiot
If I had not been such a nerd
If I had not been such a weakling
If I had not been such a Mama's boy

Will things turn out differently?

I duno...

I dun hav too much time to spend regretting the past...

I hav to moved on...

I started to look back on what went wrng in the past...

I try to change and improve myself....

I think it wrked....somehw...

Thanks to someone....

Someone whu kind of lost contact with mi who came back... My best fren in Primary school...Qiurui... He picked mi up from the lost state I was still in... continued the frenship we had since primary 2 and gt ex pri schl classmates to hang out. Suddenly I found myself having this group of frens whu I always hang out with...The feeling is like a new start...MmmmM... Since then I had oso known more frens by myself... I think I suceeded in improving myself... Did I?

There will always be someone there for me when I hav problems... someone whu I can talk to other than my family members...

Now come to think of it... maybe its good things turn out that way in the past... It made mi learn...

08/03/05... the day I finally dare to let my past be known...



//ZenEkz freed from his past at last//